Second letter to the Taoiseach

The Taoiseach

Dail Eireann

Dublin

Date as postmark

Dear Taoiseach,

I was very pleased that you responded to my last letter so swiftly and that you are setting up a joint Oireachtas committee to examine my suggestions.
To follow up I have another idea that you may consider and I would never have thought of it myself only that I was looking at The National Geographic station on the telly and low and behold what crops up on the screen before my eyes but a smaller version of our own greyhounds. About twenty per cent smaller…….
“Jez” said I, wouldn’t these fellows be ideal for people living in apartments, flats and bed sets.
Only one problem- these greyhound are in Guatemala!
And then I thought that you could send a delegation from the Dail headed up the Ceann Comhairle John O Donaghue. (a man with a good greyhound background in Kerry and handy with a bob - our bobs). I ‘m pretty sure these Dail boys could pick up a job lot of greyhounds at the right price. When I did further research I found out that Porto-Nova is the official capital of Guatemala but the government sit in Cotonou……. Ideal I thought these fellows are as confused as ourselves!
NAMA - remember you set them up - will have bags of fields and no idea what to do with them .
Taoiseach here is your answer!
Build greyhound stadiums on these fields all over the country – the construction alone will immediately take one hundred thousand off the live register. Like Mr Lowry don’t bother your ass about planning permission. The organisation and training of these hounds would be based on the GAA model ……..county by county basis.
The idea would be that we would have a kind on an All-Ireland for greyhounds.
Heats could be run off in the new stadiums and a selection committee could then select the teams of dogs to represent the county. Naturally the greyhounds would wear the county colours. Red for Cork …. Blue for the Dublin hounds etc …
The points system would be easy …….
Six points for a win…
Five for second and so on
Each team would consist of six greyhounds and three subs. The team with the greatest number of points would be crowned the All-Ireland champions. Instead of issuing medals the idea would be to give every hound a slab of Madra dog food …well in keeping with the Irish theme.
Paddy Power would be in charge of the betting.
If by chance any tourist strayed into the country to see the racing it could be explained that the Kilkenny dogs are actually dogs and not cats …. Lest they think we are blinkin mad!
Taoiseach, I am sure that by now I have established my credentials as a lateral thinker of exceptional talent, perhaps you might consider me for a small advisory role in the department…… I don’t even want a motor car!
I have to go now because the wife is ringing the GP to get my medication reduced.
Mise le Meas
James A. Archer

James A Archer